


shy beginnings

by younoknowme93



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bottom Severus, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Harry pov, Harry/Severus - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Shy Severus, Smut, Top Harry, harry is a manwhore, really just wanted to write V! snape, virgin severus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:52:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/younoknowme93/pseuds/younoknowme93
Summary: Harry is concerned over his relationship with Severus.  Having been together for over a year and nothing progressing, he assumes the worse.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PiffyEQ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiffyEQ/gifts).



> I've been working on this on the side for a while. It's a long... long oneshot. I really hope yall like it. Onward my ducklings.

Severus Snape is a difficult man.  I should know.  I’ve been pseudo dating him for nearly a year now.  It’s difficult to say exactly what we are.  We haven’t even so much as kissed, but I spend most evenings with him.  I’d like to snog him senseless, but every time I approach him, his glares cool down my resolve.  He’s made it obvious that any movements of intimacy will not be well received.  That being said, when I formally asked to be in a relationship with him about a year ago, he agree without much delay.  That was the first time I leaned forward to kiss him.  He backed away and glared at me.  I just assumed he was the type that moved slowly.  Maybe he felt that a kiss that soon just simply wasn’t appropriate.  Two weeks later, the moment was perfect, and I leaned forward to kiss him.  Severus’s sharp eyes dug into me as he backed away.  He still reacts the same way.

Tonight, I’m in his sitting room in what has become my chair.  He’s quietly reading- mostly ignoring my presence.  It’s a comfortable quiet though.  He doesn’t make it a point to talk, but I’ve realized, he just prefers to internalize.  Waiting for Severus to start a conversation is waiting in vain, but if questioned he will willingly enough enter a conversation. 

“Severus, how was your day?”

“Moronic students not paying attention destroyed three cauldrons.”  He turns the page.  Silence seeps between us again.  Officially we are a couple.  It doesn’t feel like it though.  Maybe it’s the lack of intimacy.  Maybe it’s the fact that Severus is not an affectionate man.  Maybe it’s because of my own lack of experience in dating.  I’ve really only ever fooled around with people.  I’ve never dated.  Maybe it’s normal for things to go so slowly.  Maybe it’s not.  I’ve never done more than casually slept around.  He lets the sentence die.  I’ve learned with Severus, that though he is a very intelligent man, he doesn’t take hints in social settings well.  It’s best to just say what needs to be said all at once-even if it is brash or blunt.

“Severus, are you having doubts about being with me.  I know that I pressured you into agreeing.”

“I do not have any doubts.”  His fingers trace the edge of the page he is reading.  His hair hangs in his face effectively shielding his profile from my view. 

“Are you sure?  It just seems like you aren’t interested.  We’ve been together a while now, but it just doesn’t feel that way.”

“Are you perhaps having doubts and pushing that on me?”  His eyes follow the words on the page never bothering to look at me.

“I don’t know.  Maybe I am.”  I want to be with Severus.  I can overlook the age.  I can overlook the past.  I can’t look over how he’s just so unaffected by my presence.  Maybe it’s because of my age that I’m needier.

“If you do not have interest in continuing this relationship then you simply have to tell me.  I assure you that I will remain professional and civil.  If me remaining here would bother you, then I will leave the school and find accommodations elsewhere.”  The page is turned.  He looks so unaffected.

“Would it really be that easy for you?  It wouldn’t even bother you if we broke off whatever it is we have.”

“Of course it would bother me.  I am human.”  His tone is bored.  His voice never raises or lowers.

“You don’t act like it.”  I know that’s a low blow, but he still hasn’t even bothered to look up from the book he’s reading.

“I’ve trained myself to not emote regardless of how painful a situation is.  Crying will not alleviate the damage.  I am an adult and will act as such.  If you feel that you have grown tired of this relationship, you need only tell me.  We are colleges now.  Not student and teacher.  If you have lost interest in courting me, simply tell me.”

“I haven’t.  Severus, I mean what I’ve said.  I care about you.  I love you.  I don’t want to end our relationship.  It’s just obvious that you don’t feel the same way about me.”

“I do though.”  He says it so nonchalantly as if he were stating that he liked tea.

“Well how was I supposed to know that?  You’ve never once told me that you care about me.”  I know I sound whiny, but I can’t help the irritation seeping into my voice.

“You have the password to both my chambers and my bedroom- something no one has been allowed to know.  You have access to the potion journals that I have worked on since I started Hogwarts as a student- journals that I have kept hidden from the wizarding world.  I have attended gatherings with those red-haired menaces you call family at your request.  I did not think such words needed to be said.”  He doesn’t look up from the book he is reading.  “You were the one who pursued me, I do not recall ever trying to disillusion you about my character.  I have always been this way.”

“Sev, everyone needs to be told that they are cared for by their significant other sometimes.  Haven’t I always made it a point to tell you?”

“A sentiment that I neither asked for nor need.”

“Severus!”  At this point he looks up.  His eyes are neutral.  Any emotion he might feel he’s completely hidden away.

“You spend every evening by my side like a leech, you have made it a point to stand up for my character-both in and out of my presence, you have never once attempted to hide whatever dubious relationship this is.  You have treated me with respect and kindness at every turn.  You’ve given me trust and understanding.  Words do not affect me in the way that they affect you.  I know how easy it is to teach oneself to lie.  Words can be expressed sincerely without holding any truth.  I do not put my trust in words.  I do not need for you to express your sentiments verbally; I can already tell by your actions.”

“It’s nice to hear though, right?  Is it really so bad to want to hear the words verbally?”

“No.  It merely makes you normal.”  He says the word normal like it is an insult.

“So then.  You believe in showing how you feel for someone with actions?”

 “Yes.”  His eyes are glancing down at the book in his lap.

“Then would I be correct in assuming- just for the record- that you love me.” 

“Yes.  I believed you already knew that.  For what other reason would I agree to a relationship with you.” 

“If you believe that actions show a person’s real intent, then why won’t you let me kiss you?”  He stiffens for just a moment before he forces his body to react normally, but I catch it.  “We’ve been together for almost a year.  I don’t mind moving slow, but this is ridiculous.” 

“I’ve never stopped you.”

“You glare every time I so much as get close!  The first time you visibly backed away.  What should I have just forced it on you?  I would assume that my boyfriend would want to kiss me.”  Maybe I’m getting a bit angry.

“I was not aware that I was glaring or moving away from you.”  His eyes have fully returned to his book and I swear I’m going to burn it next chance I get.

“So.  If I tried to kiss you like right now, you’d let me?”  He doesn’t answer.  Quiet grows between us and I don’t know if he’s ignoring me or if he just didn’t hear me.  “Severus?”  Maybe I should have pressed this issue sooner, but I’ll be honest.  I was afraid to.  I was afraid to push for more when I wanted to be with him so desperately. 

“I’m thinking.”  It’s quiet again.  Does he really need to think that hard?  He closes the book and goes to put in on the shelf next to the others.  All of his movements are fluid but also restrained.  “I do not have an answer for you.”  His back is to me.  His dark hair has grown longer, it’s well past his shoulders now. 

 “How could you not know if you would let me kiss you or not.  It’s just a kiss, not like I plan to bend you over the table and have my way with you.”  Okay, I have thought about it, but that is beside the point. 

“Physical intimacy is a foreign concept to me.”  I watch his hands lovingly stroke the spines of the books.  I know he’s deliberately turned away from me.  He’s locking himself away.  

“It’s been a while for me too.  I don’t want to have sex with someone who plans to run to the tabloids over shagging ‘the boy who lived’.  I haven’t since I was in school.  How long has it been for you?”  This is the first-time Severus has willing talked about intimacy.  Every time I’ve tried to bring up this subject in the past, he always asked me to leave.  This is a start- albeit a late one.

“Physical intimacy is a foreign concept to me.”  He repeats.  His back is noticeably tense.

“Severus?  You’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”  When I stand both of his hands go to his sides. 

“What is it that you think I am implying?”  His tone is even.  Guarded.

“It’s sort of sounding like you’re telling me that you’ve never had sex.”

“Then your head isn’t completely devoid of brain cells.  Yes.  That’s why I’m trying to say.”  I know he hears me walking towards him because his hand grips the shelf in front of him.

“I don’t see how you could still be a virgin though.”

“Don’t mock me Potter.”

“I’m not.  It’s just.  Why?”  He exhales audibly.

“With whom would I have been intimate.  You are the first to attempt anything of this sort of conduct with me.”

“Sev, I can’t believe that.  There had to have been someone?”

“No.  There were persons that I was infatuated with, but they did not share the sentiments.”  My hands lay on his arms as I force him to turn and look at me.

“So you’ve gone all this time never having sex.”

“Not even close to it.”  His face is deadpan.  Neutral. 

“Severus, why are you just now telling me this?”  I lay my hand on his shoulder.

“I do not know if I would allow you to kiss me or not.  Physical intimacy is a foreign concept to me.”

“Severus.  When was the last time someone kissed you?”

“Don’t make me say it again.”  His voice reminds me of a razor blade.  He’s vulnerable.  A position that Severus has always strived to avoid. 

“You’ve never been kissed.”  Why is that thought so _arousing._

“Please refrain from saying those words so easily.  I do not care for them.”

“You’ve never been touched in any way then.  You’re completely pure.”  He scoffs in indignation. 

“Pure is one word that doesn’t define me.”

“It’s true though.  You’re an untouched virgin.”

“Would you quit saying that!”

“Why.  It’s just us.  I won’t tell anyone.”

“It has nothing to do with that.  I care very little what others say or think about myself.”

“If you don’t care what other think, then why have you made it a point to hide it from…”  Then it hits me all at once  “You were embarrassed for me to know.”  His glare tells me that I nailed the answer.

“I will not have you think differently of me simply because…”  he doesn’t finish his sentence. 

“You’re untouched.”  If looks could kill, then I would have died long before this moment.  He’s a stubborn prideful man.  This isn’t the first time I’ve been dissected under his gaze.  No.  I’ve grown use to his eyes stabbing into me.  “I think it’s kind of cute.”  His face is twisted red and I don’t know if it’s from anger or embarrassment. 

“Leave.  Now.”  Anger then.  That’s a shame. 

“Come on Sev.  There’s no reason to be upset.”

“I will NOT have you mock me.  Leave and do not return.  You are no longer welcome in my rooms.”

“Sev, I’m sorry.  I really didn’t mean to…”

“DO NOT CALL ME BY THAT NAME.”  He’s completely withdrawn.  He’s angry, but I notice how he’s trying to calm himself.  Trying to bring himself back to equilibrium. 

“I’m not my father, I’m not trying to humiliate you Severus.”

“I said leave!”  His words die, and I exhale quickly.  Now or never.  Time to use that Gryffindor bravery.

“I gave my virginity to Lockhart.  I didn’t really want too with him, but I was curious.  He didn’t love me and I didn’t love him, but he wanted to fuck me.  So I let him.  I knew he would have to keep it a secret, I was a minor and his student after all.  Consented or otherwise- he would have been heavily punished.”  His eyes narrow.

“Why are you telling me this?”  I shrug my shoulders, but I’m happy that the rage has vanished from his eyes. 

“I always regretted it.  Don’t get me wrong.  It was a blasted good shag, and it was comforting to know when I was inexperienced that the person I was with knew what the hell he was doing.  I was twelve… maybe thirteen.  I won’t deny, I was fragile at that age.  My aunt and uncle who raised me were never what you would call good people.  He was the first to show that sort of attention to me and I fell for it.  I always regretted it.”

“You wish that you would have waited?”  He’s still withdrawn, but his voice is lowered and calm.

“I’m not saying that I’m so romantic as to say that I should have waited for marriage or the bloke I plan to spend the rest of my life with, but yes.  I wish I had waited.  If only so that I could tell myself, that the person I gave myself too deserved that ‘something’ that I can never give to anyone else.  I didn’t though.  I regret that.  I likely always will.”  He’s not looking at me.  “Do you still want me to leave Severus?”

“Just shut up and sit down.”  I don’t mention that I’ve already retaken my seat.  “I can’t believe that bastard took advantage of a student.”

“I was willing.  I can promise you that.  I know that doesn’t make it right.  He taught me many things.  He wasn’t the last that I was with.”

“There were other men… I presume.” 

“Full disclosure Sev.  I was also intimate with a muggle- another older man.  That was the first time I was the ‘man’.  To his credit, I illegally put a charm on myself to make myself look older.  He had no idea I was a minor.  I told him that I wasn’t sure if I was gay or not, and he helped me find out.  He was very kind.  Explained the ins and out of pleasuring and being pleasured.  With Lockhart, I just let him do as he pleased.  I was intimate with that older gentleman several times.  Eventually though, he cut things off between us because he found a man that he loved.  There were a couple other- all muggle and none of them knew how much younger I was than them.”

“I’m sorry to break it to you that I’m not… experienced like the other men you have pursued.”

“So you saw the trend.  Yes.  Every time I was intimate with a man, he was always much older than myself.  More often than not, they were also well experienced.  My reasons for wanting to be in a relationship with you has nothing to do with that.  Do you think less of me now?”

“I don’t think I could think less of you.”  He returns to his seat.

“Severus.  I’m not asking for you to, I’m not forcing you, and I will not think less of you, but if you were to give yourself to me- first kiss, virginity, the rest of your life- then you wouldn’t regret it.  I’m experienced enough where I could make sure you would feel as little pain as possible.  I could teach you what it’s like to be overcome with pleasure.”  I watch him cross his legs deliberately.  I’m sure he’s sexually frustrated.  “I’d make sure that you weren’t afraid.”  He’s uncomfortable.

“I don’t know that I would want to be with someone so… experienced in warming a stranger’s bed.”  Low blow.

“You’re right Severus.  I was sexually active at a young age with men- many of which were older than my father would have been had he still been alive.  I have a past.  I imagined that you of all people could understand that.”  His facial features harden.

“I did not mean what you presumed I meant.  I do not think that you have loose morals.  Experimenting is a very normal thing.”  His fingers weave together.  “I am inexperienced.  I do not share your sentiments with feeling more comfortable with an experienced partner.  It only makes my lack of basic knowledge that much more noticeable.  I did not intend to offend you.”  His eyes are blank, but his words sincere. 

“Point taken.  I apologize.  I am just as sensitive about my sexual history as you are about your lack of one.  You are the first I have told about Lockhart-or anything dealing with my past sex life.  I was afraid to tell anyone.”

“I do not think differently of you.  I want to strangle that pompous idiot for violating his student, but I do not think less of you for wanting to be desired.”

“Severus.  Look.  I’ll just say it.  I’m not asking to bed you.  Right now, I would be perfectly satisfied with a kiss.  Hell.  I’d be satisfied with anything.  A hug.  A firm handshake.  I don’t think you’ve deliberately touched me at all since we’ve started dating.  I’ve been patient.  I’ll continue being patient.  Now that I know, it’ll make it easier to be patient.  I will wait until you are ready and comfortable.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m less of a man.”

“I’m not.  Everyone experiences these things at their own pace.  If you don’t want intimacy, then we will hold off for now.  I only wanted to stress that I can be understanding about this.”

“And if I’m never interested in engaging in such things?”

“Well, I can’t say that I’ll like it, but I’m not going to break up with you over something like that.  I’ll get use to taking care of it myself.  You’ve managed doing that for all this time, I can learn to do the same.”

“I have had little interest in solo exploration.”

“Severus.  You can’t tell me that you don’t jerk off.”

“I do occasionally satisfy basic urges.  I just simply do not get any pleasure from it.”

“How do you… you know?”  He flinches slightly.  I might have gone too far.

“I would rather not talk about such lewd topics.”

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have asked.  It’s just kind of exciting thinking about you touching yourself.  I do love you after all.”  He’s noticeably crosses his legs again.  “Do you think about me touching myself?”  He refuses eye contact and I have my answer.  “It’s okay if you do.  You are a man after all.  It’s not unusual to imagine someone you are attracted to pleasuring themselves.”  It’s quiet for a long time.  “I would let you watch.  If you wanted too.”

“That is entirely improper!”

“Maybe so, but imagining you watching is arousing.”  He’s nervously swallowing.  He’s legs are so tight together.  I’m sure he realizes that he’s not fooling me.  Crossed legs or otherwise, I can see his growing bulge.  “You aren’t being forced into anything.  I’m only saying that we can do whatever you want.  One-sided or otherwise.  If you want me to suck or jerk you off but nothing else, then we can do that.  I wouldn’t ask you to reciprocate unless you wanted to.  If kissing is to intimate, we could hold off on that.”

“Harry.  I do not feel comfortable talking about this.”  He’s retreated into himself. 

“Alright.  I’m sorry for forcing the topic.”  It’s quiet for a long time.  Neither of us are willing to break the silence. 

“How did you know that I was gay.  How did you know that I wouldn’t just mock you and refuse your affections immediately?” 

“For all of your toxic words, you aren’t a cruel person.  I know if a student- even a Gryffindor- were to come up to you and ask for your help.  If they were genuine and talked to you respectfully, then you would do whatever was in your power to help.”

“Your reasoning is ludicrous.”

“If you had the power to save me from my aunt and uncle would you have?”  He doesn’t look at me.

“No one should grow up in a home where they are made to feel inadequate.”

“I thought that there was a good chance that you would turn me down when I asked to be in a relationship with you.  I still asked because I know that you are human.  I knew that you would not drag out how I feel and use it as ammunition.  As for you being gay.  I had no way of knowing.  Again.  Even if you were not, you don’t strike me as the homophobic type.  I know you wouldn’t have went to the prophet with the newest scoop.  You would have kept the knowledge to yourself and if you did insult me with that information, it wouldn’t have been where anyone could hear.  You pretended when I was a student- but you aren’t actually the bulling type.”

“You put a lot of faith in me.”

“Yes.  I do.”

“Why though?” Eyes devoid of light watch me.  I have always been drawn to those steely defensive eyes.  He hides everything in them.

“You’ve saved my life more times than I can count, and even if I could fathom the number, I know you’ve also saved me without me knowing many times as well.  You’re an efficient person.  You wouldn’t save me just to condemn me.  If there is a single person that I can trust with my vulnerability, it would be you.  I aim to show you, that I can be just as capable.  I’m not a brat anymore.”

“You still act like one though.”

“Sometimes, but so do you.”  I smile ruefully at him.  “Instead of just coming out and telling me that you’re inexperienced you hid it then got really sensitive about the issue.  You could have just told me.”

“It isn’t something one just brings up in idle conversation.  I hardly suspected that you would wish for such contact with me.  In fact, I highly suspect that you have restrained ‘daddy issues’ and in actuality you are looking for someone to fill both that void as well as that of a lover’s.”

“Maybe I am.  I can’t say that I’ve really thought about it.  I just know that girls never did it for me.  There for a while I tried to be attracted to them, but I just couldn’t.  Then I thought maybe a bloke, ‘cept the guys my age didn’t do it for me either.  It was like it was almost correct, but not completely.”

“Like adding mandrake to a dreamless sleep potion instead of dried clover?”  When I look at him confused he elaborates.  “I cannot believe I’m with someone who does not even understand the barest of potions.  If one were to add mandrake to a dreamless sleep potion then it would have similar effects to if one were to add clover except, it has ill side effects including dependency.  Most would not be able to see the difference in the potions initially.”  I nod.

“Yes.  It’s like that.  So I started looking at older guys.  Then Lockhart asked to have me and I just let him.”  He’s quiet just long enough for the silence to become awkward.

“Did you look at me too?”  The question is more vulnerable than any other he has ever asked.  Though his tone is even as if he is uncaring of the answer, the way his eyes shift uncomfortable towards the book shelf give his insecurities away.

“I’d get so hard during your class I couldn’t pay attention, and I spend most nights jerking off to the thought of shutting your cruel words up by forcing my dick down your throat.”  His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open.  “That’s exactly how I always imagined you’d look afterwards.  You were a special case Sev.  No matter what you said, it only made me want to mess you up more.  You’re so restrained, that I’m sure it’s incredible when you come undone.”  He’s nervously swallowing.  He’d look lovely swallowing something else. 

“You are insane.”

“Because I find you sexy?”  He’s stiffening uncomfortably in the chair.

“Could you please not say such things so nonchalantly.”

“Why?  I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve said.  You asked me a question and I answered.”

“Yes, but those details were unneeded!”

“It’s not like I gave you graphic details Sev.  I could have been much more vulgar like telling you that I still think about messing you up.  Just last night I was jerking off to the image of cumming inside your tight ass.  Now that I know, that no one has had you- I can only imagine how painful it would be to be inside of you.  You’d clinch around me and I’d be fighting to keep from thrusting inside.  I wouldn’t want to hurt you.  It’d feel incredible though.”

“Harry!”

“And you’d call out my name just like that.”

“Stop talking.  Please.”  The quiet pleading tone pulls me from my musings.  His face is buried in his hands, but I know how red it is.

“Severus, you don’t have to be embarrassed over my words.  I was the one saying them after all.”

“I don’t see how you can say those… things!” Embarrassment has circled into full-blown irritation.

“You were my teacher, I learned that when you asked a question to answer it as completely as possible.  You asked if I looked at you, I didn’t want to leave any doubts about my desires.  I am completely attracted to you.”

“I don’t think anyone has even been blind enough to actually find me attractive.”  He forces his hands to his sides.

“Severus?”

“I am not disillusioned.  I am completely aware of what I look like and at best I would be considered ‘not ugly’ but you are truly braindead.”

“Severus, everyone has different tastes.  I have every right to find you sexy.”  His eye twitches.  “I will admit though, that you are so much cuter in my fantasies.  You’re so wanton and lewd and desperate.  I really didn’t expect you to be untouched.”

“Would you stop talking about that?!”

“Which, you being a virgin or my fantasies of you?”

“BOTH!” He growls.

“Alright.  Then what would you like to talk about?”  He swallows nervously. 

“Anything as long as it has nothing to do with intimacy.”

“There are so many taboo subjects with you, it makes it hard for conversation.”

“I did not ask for you to pursue a relationship with me.”

“Well, why did you agree then?  You’ve admitted that you love me, but somehow I don’t image that would be a good enough reason.”  With no book in his lap, he has nothing to fiddle with.  A moment of vulnerability has him clasping his hands together and looking at them intently.

“I suppose I put a lot of faith in you as well.” 

“I’m sorry I don’t understand.”

“I knew when you asked to court me that you were nothing but sincere.  I knew that you would not try to pull a prank- cruel as that- on anyone.  Including me.  Even if you did not feel any positive emotions for me, I knew that you would not wish to harm me.”  He’s quiet for a long time, but I’ve learned to know the difference between him ‘being finished talking’ and him ‘still gathering his thoughts’.  “Your sincerity being established; I did not have a reason to refuse you.  You’ve shown yourself to be kind and protective.  Powerful.  Driven.  Attractive.  Even before you asked, you were already treating me respectfully.  If someone said a word against me, you stood up for me.  Even to your friends.”

“So that’s why you agreed to be with me.”

“More or less.  I also thought it was a phase that you would grow out of once you got what you wanted.  Once you realized that I am very much the same as I was as your teacher, you would lose interest and move on so to speak.”

“And if I had done that… what would you have done.”

“Go on much the same as I always have I suppose.”

“So, you haven’t become dependent on me yet.”  I smile at him.

“I’m much to self-reliant for that.  Unlike overly needy Gryffindors, I am perfectly content in solitude.”

“Nah.  I think It’s just because you haven’t really ever opened yourself up to anyone.  I bet if you ever did just let your walls down that you would be a very clingy lover.  Just looking at you, you’re practically scream repressed desires.”

“I do not.”  He insists blandly. 

“Alright.  Tell me Sev.  Tell me one thing you’ve done- for yourself- simply because you wanted to do it.  One thing that you have indulged yourself in.”  He doesn’t answer.  After a bubble of awkwardness has formed he finally opens his mouth.

“I’ve not desired anything that has needed to be repressed.”

“Severus, do you want an intimate relationship.”  His mouth opens briefly.

“How could I be expected to answer so suddenly.”

“It isn’t something most people have to think over.”

“I’m not most people!” 

“Sev.  Relax.  I’m not pulling down your pants expecting to cup a feel.  I’m not asking for anything right now.  I’m only asking is it something you are at all interested in.  Being intimate.  With me.”  His ears are a faint pink.

“Why do you insist on returning to this displeasing topic?!”

“Why do you insist on dodging my questions.  Just answer them and my curiosity will be satisfied, then I won’t keep coming back to this.”

“I don’t know the answer!”  His face is once again buried in his hands.  I’m not sure if it’s out of embarrassment or irritation, but one thing I’ve learned being around Sev, any emotion he experiences can easily be turned into irritation.  His hair curtains his face, blocking all vision.  Maybe that’s why his words come out softer.  “I don’t feel good when I do it myself, so I highly doubt I’d feel good with someone else touching me.  I am a very private person.”  I leave my seat and kneel just in front of him.  He’s not looking, but I’m sure he knows how close I am.

“This isn’t something you have to stress yourself out over.”  I kiss the top of his head and he stiffens.  “We could experiment to see how you feel about being touched by me.  Something simple enough.  If you like it then we can go from there and figure out together exactly what each of us wants out of this relationship, and if you don’t like it- then I won’t bring it up again.”

“Harry.  I don’t know what to do.”  His shoulders are hunched tiredly.

“You wouldn’t have to do anything.  Just trust that I’m not going to hurt you and that if you ask me to stop I will.”  He looks up at me hesitantly.  His lips are only a couple inches from my own.  I won’t steal his first kiss though.  If he agrees, we will be going a bit out of order, but kissing for the first time isn’t something to do spur of the moment.  Well… it is sometimes… but not when the other person clearly isn’t ready. 

“What do you propose?”  His midnight eyes are hesitant but trying to hide the emotions.

“Just grinding against you.  Both of us will stay fully clothed.  I won’t kiss you.  Any touching that is done will be over clothes.”

“’Just’ he says.”  And the face is once again covered.  “So you will be… pressing your lower extremities against my own.”  I nod.

“And maybe touching your nipples.”

“Oh for Merlin’s beard! Why would you want to do that!”  His head shoots up suddenly- eyes wide.  I can tell that this is already pushing him well out of his comfort zone.

“Because part of loving someone means wanting to touch them.  Everywhere” His face flushes despite his control.  I shouldn’t press my luck, but he’s so adorable like this.  “So.  What color are your nipples.  Are they brown, or pink.  I bet you’re pale everywhere, so I’m guessing pink.”

“Why do you want to know something like that?!”  His tone is clearly distressed, but it’s adorable.

“Because.  I’ve thought about licking them so many times, I want to know if I’ve pictured them right.  Do you agree to the experiment?”  He’s examining me.  He looks every bit a potions master preparing to dissect ingredients.  I know the truth though.  He’s terrified.

“If I do not like it, then we will not speak of this again?”

“You have my word Sev.”  He swallows.

“Alright.  But just touching.  Nothing else.”

“Of course Severus, so how do you want to do this?”

“How should I know.  You’re the expert on these matters.”  I smile gently.  He’s stressed, but it makes me really happy that he’s willing to go so far for this relationship, I know this is a lot for him.

“I mean would you prefer me touching you while you sit in this chair, or would you prefer going into your bedroom.”  His mouth opens before he promptly closes it.  He’s mulling over the decision. 

“It would be improper to do such matters in my sitting room, but I fear it might be too personal in my bedroom.”  I give him all the time he needs to come to a decision- and he does need ample time.  “Here.  I would prefer staying here.”

“If that is what you would prefer.”  I brush his hair from his face.  “And Severus.”  He looks up at me.  Hesitant black eyes searching my face for any change.  “The same rules do not apply to you.  Feel free to do anything you want.”  The soft sway of his hair is the only thing that alerts me to the curt nod.

I know I can arouse him, I’ve already done that many times just by talking.  My intentions are a bit different.  Arousing him is simple, but getting him comfortable under my touch is drastically different.  I’m sure that if I immediately palmed his erection through his pants he would cum abruptly, but then the moment would be over.  I need him to lose himself.  I need him to become so enthralled that he actively participates.  Then, he wouldn’t be able to deny his enjoyment. 

My palms separate his legs and though he looks distraught he doesn’t stop me.  I rub his inner thigh with the barest amount of pressure.  Occasionally I get closer to his groin, but I never touch.  I can see that he’s aroused, but as repressed as he is, that’s a given.

“What do you think about when you masturbate.”

“I don’t.” Is his gruff reply.

“No one-act plays that you use to get off to?”

“I do not have a… vivid imagination like you apparently do.”  

“Well that explains why you don’t enjoy it.  Masturbating is only as good as it’s fodder.  You didn’t really answer my question earlier when I asked if you ever thought about me touching myself.”  My thumb innocuously brushes his growing erection, but I don’t linger making it seem accidental.  I notice how his hand grips the arm of the chair.

“Maybe I have… but only once or twice.”  He’s looking away from me.  Fuck, he really is pure. 

“Did you ever try touching yourself while imaging me masturbating.”  I encourage him to keep talking as gently as I can.

“No.  It felt… inappropriate.”

“Yes.  Masturbating often feels inappropriate, so does sex.  They can only feel as good as you let them.  If you’re worried about those types of things, then it’s going to be difficult for you to enjoy it.  Insecurities can make pleasure difficult.”  I lay my palm flat on his back.  “Close your eyes.  All you have to do is relax Sev.  I’m not asking for anything else.”  I coax his head to lay against my shoulder.  For a moment, I rest my temple against his silky hair.  It smells like ashes and soot.  I’m sure that not everyone would find this scent intoxicating, but I do.  Severus is much like an acquired taste.  Not many enjoy him at first, but once one grows accustomed to the barbed comments and guarded demeanor, it’s difficult to not care for him.  Much like a stray cat that refuses help.  It’ll attack if you come to close even while it needs your aid.  With time and patience though, that stray cat grows to trust and depend on that person until it’s a tamed house cat.  Once I realized that I desired Severus, no one else was good enough.  That’s just how it was for me.  I starved for him.  Nothing could quench my thirst.

Just his scent arouses me.

I hear him jaggedly inhale when I press my erection against his thigh, but he doesn’t protest. He holds himself still like a statue.  Encased in marble he restrains all desires- leaving it to me to chisel away.   I press against him more confidently.  His hisses out a burst of air.  His head is resting on my shoulder as I just barely press our erections together.  I continue this soft touching.  A steady rhythm of half grazing.  Long fingers clutch my robes, but I don’t stop.  He hasn’t asked me to. 

Just as I’m pressing down I feel his body instinctively raise to meet me.  I don’t think he’s realized that his body is responding to my touch, and I will not tell him.  We move slowly with our heads resting on the other’s shoulder.  I can hear him quieting himself.  All at once he’s meeting me.  Our bodies brush each other’s near painfully.  I’m sure we look a sight.  He’s sitting in his favorite chair while I straddle him.  Thick black hair curtains his face as his head rests on my shoulder.  I pull him from his hiding spot and smile at him.

“You are making me feel good Severus.”  His face is bright red, but I don’t have time to notice that before his inexperienced lips crash into mine.  Our teeth hit each other before he pulls away panicking. 

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean… I don’t know why I…”

“Shh.  Not like that Severus.  Like this.”  I press my lips against him confidently, and I’m relieved when he doesn’t yank himself back.    His lips are hard against mine.  I enjoy how timid they are.  I heave his legs and rest them on my shoulders.  His back presses deeper into the chair as his body slides to accommodate our new position.  For a moment, his lips falter, but when I suck gently on his bottom lip, he calms himself.  I press my clothed erection against his clothed backside.  I know how many layers are between us, and I know it’s impossible, but I swear I feel his hole twitch.  So I press against that spot again.  If not for all the layers I would be inside of him right now.  Faster I grind against his virgin ass.  I make sure not to ignore the kiss though.  His sweet virgin lips.  He pulls apart gasping for air, and I give him a brief moment before I pull him back in.  Dark eyes are so tightly closed.  My tongue sweeps across his lips and hesitantly he parts them.  Good. 

My hands are kneading his cheeks through the thick material.  Instinctively he starts meeting my thrusts.  He’s lewdly moaning into my mouth.  When he realizes how actively he’s participating, panicky eyes open and he goes to pull back.

“No Sev, stay like this.  Don’t worry about what your body does.  It knows what it needs.”  His lips are swollen, but still his eyes close again while his head rests on the back of the chair.  “Your body knows exactly what it needs and wants.  You don’t have to be embarrassed or ashamed over what your body does naturally.  Relax for me.”  I rock my body against his.  When I kiss him this time he parts his lips immediately.  Very good.  He doesn’t even try to fight for dominance, instead he lets my tongue explore his mouth.  He lets my tongue press against his own.  Sliding and dancing.

While I enjoy exposing him to making out, I return to grinding against his entrance.  I can see how much it arouses him.   As comfortingly as I can, my hand lays over his clothed erection.  Again, he hesitates, but he doesn’t stop me.  He lets me gently rub him through the thick layers.  I pull away and enjoy hearing him panting.

“How does it feel Severus?  Are you still worried that I can’t make you feel good?”  One of his hands is stuffed into his mouth trying to stop any sounds.  I press myself against him and fist be damned, he screams.  The front of his pants is noticeably tinted darker.  “Are you alright Severus?”  His eyes are avoiding mine, but he does at least nod. 

“It’s late… you should be returning to your room.  Now.”  His voice is even.

“Was I not able to make you feel good Severus.”  His eyes widen marginally before they return to betraying nothing. 

“It was… what one would expect.” 

“That’s not answering my question Severus.  You were concerned that I would not be able to make you feel pleasure.  Did you enjoy what we did and would you want to- at some point- repeat it.” 

“Harry please.”  His prideful demeanor is gone.  Severus looks entirely defeated.  “The… mess in my trousers is uncomfortable.  Please leave so that I can clean myself.  I cannot make a logical decision with my body being so on edge.”

“I only want to know if it felt good.  That’s all I’m asking Severus.  There’s no reason to dodge this question.  Either you liked it, or you didn’t.”

“Damn it Potter.  You already know the answer.  Stop using me to stroke your own ego.”  He leaves the sitting room and enters into his bedroom.  I hear the door lock effectively telling me that the conversation is over.  We both know I could unlock the door, but it’s not about that.  It’s trust.  He sent me a message.  I’m not to enter.  So I won’t.  I won’t go into his room, but I also don’t leave.  Not like I can walk the halls hard as I am. 

I hear the creaking of pipes as water fills them.  Severus is showering now.  Naked.  Wet.  Washing his own cum off of himself.  Merlin, it’ll never go down on it’s own.  He left me aroused and frustrated.  I’ll forgive him this time as inexperienced as he is.  Unbuttoning my trousers, I slide then to my ankles and gently stroke myself.  He came so quick, but that’s to be expected.  He kissed me in a moment of lapsed control. 

He is such a difficult man.  I’m sure he will avoid talking about how we were intimate.  He might even completely avoid me.  It’s awkward stroking myself in my boyfriend’s sitting room.  As soon as I finish then I’ll go to my own room, but I really can’t leave as aroused as I am.  His body was so responsive.  He was like a starved man.  He is to a degree.  The moment that he came down from the high, he ran.  Maybe with time he will become use to this new territory. 

I force myself to finish quickly and then cast the spell to clean up.  I refasten my trousers preparing to leave.  Before I do Severus returns to the sitting room.  He’s in a long sleep shirt and boxers.  I’ve never seen him so underdressed.  It’s clear that he’s uncomfortable having me wash my gaze over him.  It’s also clear that he did not expect me to still be here, otherwise he would be dressed more thoroughly.

“You are still here.”  He states simply.

“Yes.  I was about to leave.”

“I apologize.”  He says quietly.  I know how much he hates to apologize.  “I was overwhelmed and behaved brash.”

“Severus.  The first time someone touched my erection, I came immediately.  You could measure the time in seconds.  My point is, this is new to you.”  I smile as gently as I can at him.  “There is a bit of a learning curve.”

“I left you to your arousal…”

“You were on edge.  Your hormones were rampant.  As much as I would have liked for you to reciprocate, I was not expecting you to… nor was I planning on pressuring you to.”

“… you…”  He’s looking towards the book case.  “took care of it yourself then.”

“Yea.  No big deal.”  His eyes are closed tightly.

“You said that self-stimulation is not as good without certain perverse thoughts…”  I smile at him.

“Severus.  Are you wanting to know what I was imagining while I jacked off?”  My question is direct.  When he is unsure, he speaks as indirectly as possible.  But the way I ask him questions leaves no room for misunderstanding.  He will either say yes or no.  My next move depends on his answer.

“You said that it is natural for…”  He stops talking.

“Sev, if you want to know then I will tell you.  It’s that simple.  Wanting to know doesn’t make you a pervert and not wanting to know doesn’t make you a prude.  You don’t have to think so hard about us.  Do you want me to tell you what I was thinking about when I was masturbating?”  His face twists for a moment before his voice comes out indignant.

“I have no interest in knowing any thought you have concerning why you felt the need to polish your broom stick in my sitting room.”  He’s trying to cover up his insecurities again.  Fine.

“Well.  My boyfriend left me high and dry after his needs were met.  Still.  I enjoyed getting off to knowing he was cleaning his cum off of himself.  Honestly I’m glad I was able to make him feel so good that he came in his trousers.”  Severus opens his mouth to retort then closes it promptly.  “Virgins are completely adorable.”  I force my tone to sound condescending and it works.  His cheeks are a furious red.  I know now how sensitive he is about this topic.  It’s not that I want to tease him.  Really him being a virgin is the biggest turn on yet, but Severus is a right bastard at the best of times. 

His face is twisted in irritation. 

“A virgin is better than the town bicycle.”  I smirk at him.  Yes.  I adore his nervous anxious side, but this is what I fell in love with.  Biting sharp remarks.

“The bicycle must have been that good to have so many want a ride.”  He’s snarling unattractively at me, but I only smile back.  His hand tightly grips around my wrist as I’m pulled into the inner chamber that is his bedroom.

“Remove your clothing and get on the bed.”  He states blandly.  I only smirk at him.

“And what do you intend to do?”

“We are going to have sex.  You will rid me of my virginity so that this chapter can be closed.”  I stop all teasing.

“Severus.  This seems fast.  An hour ago, you were afraid for us to kiss.”  I try to keep my tone as neutral as possible.

“You have touched me and I did not find the action repugnant.  No harm will be done to my person.”  He states, but I notice the sentence for what it is.  A promise.  If I were to hurt him a lot of trust would be gone. 

“Severus.  We aren’t going to have Sex.  Not now at least.”

“Nonsense.  You said yourself that you were interested in such activities with me.  You have been so willing with other men to service them.  I expect the same treatment.”  My hand lays on his arm and though he tries to hide it, I notice him flinch.  I pull him to the edge of the bed where we both sit down.

“We are not going to have sex right now.  I teased you when I should not have.  I know it isn’t in your nature to talk things out, but I’m a bit denser than you are.  I need for things to be talked out.”  He doesn’t pull away from me.  “I would like nothing more than to strip you down and worship your body, but you just aren’t ready for me to.  But we’ve made great distances tonight.  I’ve kissed you.  Helped you feel pleasure.”

“I will not accept you leaving until I have been despoiled.”  He sounds monotone.  I kiss his cheek but otherwise ignore his statement. 

“I do not think less of you for being a virgin.  I know that I have teased you- and I know how much you hate being teased- but really, I think it’s completely arousing.  I only teased you because you force yourself to be a git at the worst moments.  You open yourself up and the moment you realize that you are vulnerable, you attack the nearest person.”

“I just, I do not like being a virgin though.  It is utterly humiliating.”

“Not wanting to be a virgin isn’t a good enough reason to have sex though.  At least.  That’s not a good enough reason for me to take it from you.”  But Merlin do I want to take it from him.  “You are still uncomfortable kissing.  I wouldn’t even be able to finish preparing you.”  He swallows visibly.

“What do you mean?”

“I never use magic to prepare my partner.  My preferred method is rimming.”  His head tilts.

“Rimming?”  I smile as gently as I can at him.  So beautifully innocent. 

“Yes.  I would be sucking and licking your arsehole.”  His cheeks turn completely red.

“That is disgusting!”

“No.  It’s hot as fuck.  It feels so good, that it’ll feel like your insides are melting.  But I’ve proven my point.  You don’t sound like you’d be comfortable with that, so we will not be having sex.”

“I would not be bothered.”  He lies simply.  My hand cups his cheek while I push the hair from his face.

“You are still blushing at just having me talk about it.”

“Harry.”  He’s not meeting my eyes.  “I’ve been a virgin for far longer than I would have liked.  Even if it does not bother you, it bothers me.  I’m ashamed of that fact, and I’m ashamed that I feel like less of a man.”  His hand clinches against my shirt.  “Please.  Just…”  His eyes are closed tightly.  “make love to me.  Please.”  He’s just not playing fair now.

“Severus.  There’s no need to rush.”  I grasp his hand and pull him against me on the bed.  He tenses for a moment, but forces himself to relax.  “Severus.  I waited a year to get a kiss from you.  I can be patient.  I’m not going to suddenly end this relationship if that’s what you are concerned about.”

“No.  I’m aware that you are infatuated with me- even if the idea seems ludicrous.  I do not worry over you losing interest.  I’ve already proven to be a boring and often malicious individual, yet you still continue coming by.  If you have stayed this long, I doubt I could do anything to chase you away.  I will never feel mentally prepared.”

“You’ve never even stimulated the back before.  If we had sex now, it would hurt.  Yes.  I want to have sex with you.  But I don’t want to rush through this, you be in a lot of pain, and then have you end up being afraid of sex.  It will hurt, but we want it to hurt as little as possible.”  He’s not looking at me.  “I suggest, we start slowly introducing you to playing with your bottom so that you don’t overwhelm yourself.”

He lets me ease him down.  He stays in the same position as he watches me lay beside him facing the opposite end of the bed.  “Severus, I want to suck you.  You don’t have to do anything.  If you do not feel comfortable with the idea of that, then I will not.”

“Isn’t that dirty though.”  He says reluctantly.  “I don’t understand why you would wish to do _that_.”

“Because you’ll like it.  It’ll feel good for you and that means that you’ll make a lot of sounds that I’ve never heard you make before.  And besides.  I’m sure you taste very good.” 

“Potter you are the strangest man I have ever met.”

“I’m just a healthy hot blooded male.  When I’m around someone that I love, of course I’m going to get aroused and want to do perverted things.  I’ve had a lot of other fantasies too.”  He’s quiet for a long time.  I can tell he’s contemplating something. 

“Does it really feel good to be sucked there.”  It’s arousing to know he isn’t attempting to hide his purity anymore.  My mouth is just a few inches from his already forming erection. 

“Severus.  Do you want me to show you how good it feels?”  I don’t mean to lick my lips, but I’m eager to taste him.  I feel his hand tentatively reach out and stroke me through my pants.  The tent in his pants is almost too tempting. 

“Harry,” He pauses and exhales lowly.  “I’m shy.”  The words are a quiet admission.  He’s so good at hiding his insecurities.  It’s almost unnerving how open he’s being.  “I know very little about intimacy with another or even intimacy with myself.  Exploring my body was never a task that I… felt comfortable doing.”

“Are you shy for me to see your body.  Or for me to hear you.  Or about ‘your abilities’ to please me.”  He’s quiet- refusing to open himself up anymore.  “Severus.  You don’t have to be unsure about anything in our relationship.  I would like to suck you to start off.  Then once you’ve relaxed, I want to give you a rim job.”  Again, he reaches out and presses his flat hand against my groin.

“Do you want for me to…”

“I’ve already told you Severus.  You can do anything you want.  If you are more comfortable, you can just close your eyes and let me take care of you.  However if you want to touch me, you can.  Anything you want Severus.”  He nods.

“I am… ready for you to..”  His eyes are closed.  “Suck me off.”  He sounds every bit like a sacrificial offering.  I keep my movements slow so as not to startle him.  I slide the boxers down his legs easy enough.  For a moment, I just stare at his semi hard cock.  He’s a bit on the smaller side, and he’s uncircumcised.  His pubic hair is also trimmed.  He actually whines when I grasp him in my hand.  Smiling softly, I lick his shaft all the way up to his head.  I do not focus on one area for to long in order to make him last longer.  I want him to enjoy his first blowjob fully.

My thumb presses against the tip as I suck on the underside.  Again, I don’t focus there for too long.  Next I softly suck on one of his testicles. 

“HARRY.”  I suppress the chuckle.  Virgins are so easy to read.  Everything is new.  I show the other testicle the same attention as Severus begins panting faster.  I stroke him deliberately slow while I switch between sucking and licking his balls.  I’m glad he likes this, but this wasn’t the main point.  I’ll need to start fingering him soon.  For a more experienced partner, I would lead off with rimming, but for Severus I’d like to get him use to two fingers first.  I pull the lube out of my back pocket.  I really didn’t expect to use it, but one just never knows.

Applying a generous amount to my fingers, I pause.  “Severus, I’m going to start fingering you.  It won’t hurt, but it might feel a bit odd in the beginning.  I’m going to continue to suck you while I finger you.  Once I feel that you are comfortable with both fingers, I’m going to give you a rim job.”

“Alright Harry.  That’s okay.”  He’s still panting.  I take his entire cock into my mouth as the first finger slides in.  I know that his body is being overtaken with stimulus.  My middle finger is sliding in and out at the same pace that I bob my head.  “Harry…”  My free hand strokes his hip, but otherwise I keep pleasuring him.  It’s easy to take him down my throat.  When his hand tentatively starts to stroke me, my finger moves more deliberately.  It takes me a moment to find it, but when I do, I press my finger down on that bundle of nerves.  “Ahhh.”  He’s panting and shallowly thrusting.  I’m not sure if he’s trying to get more stimulation to his erection or insides. 

He’s lowering my clothes until he’s exposed me.  Vibrations ripple down my throat when a wet tongue hesitantly reaches out to follow the curve of my erection.  He’s clearly nervous and unsure, but that’s to be expected.  Lips wrap around the head of my dick and suck gingerly.  I encourage him by brushing that bundle of nerves again.  Then I’m pushing a second finger inside him.  He hisses, but makes no other sounds.  With two fingers pushing in and out of him, his erection twitches desperately. 

“You seem to like having fingers inside of you.  Now just imagine something bigger.  It’ll burn more when we eventually have sex, and the stretch will be more drastic.”

“There’s no way this will fit inside me.”  He says while grasping me.

“Yes, it will Severus.  In fact, it will be a perfect fit.”  I moan loudly when he sucks me again.  It only lasts for a moment before he’s pulling back though.

“Could you give me the rim job now.”  His voice sounds unsure as if I’ll deny him. 

“Just one second.  It’ll be easy if we are in a different position.”  It’s fairly easy to roll him on top of me.  With him straddling my face, I have a nice view of all his intimate spots.  “This will be much easier like this.  You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything Severus.  I’m not expecting anything.  And if it at any point gets to where you want me to stop, you only need to say it and I will.”

“Just get on with it Potter.  I’m not a patient man.”  He’s putting his wall back up.  I know that this position is a little embarrassing for him, he will not just admit that.  Instead, he’s going to pretend that I’m bothering or coddling him.  Still.  I know this man and I’m sure he’s thankful for the reminder.  Both of my thumbs open him up and I notice how his body tenses.  I start by sucking on that ring of muscles gently.  My lips twist into a smirk when he trembles.  I don’t mention it though and instead repeat the action.  Like before, I keep all of my actions as coy as possible.  Hinting at what I may do by gentle prodding, but keeping the touches light.  I don’t want to intimidate him.  Occasionally one of my hands leaves it’s position to stroke him, but I continue to be pleasantly surprised when I grasp his cock and he’s still erect.  Many virgins that I’ve been with, do not keep an erection their first time being anally stimulated.  But his erection never wilts. 

I thoroughly enjoy sucking on the twitching virgin bud, but I know if I’m not careful, he will cum quickly.  His hole is still too tight and inexperienced for sex.  This is the most I can hope for, for now.  As I suck, I work my fingers into him.  Just as I dive my tongue into him, his thin lips wrap around the head of my dick.  I can feel the vibrations when he moans and I’m sure he’s trying to stifle his delicious sounds.

“Severus.  I’m not going to stop even if you cum.  I’m just going to keep going until I’ve thoroughly ravished you or you’ve told me to stop.  Otherwise.  I’ll pay little mind to if you cum or not.  And you will be cumming.”  His long body tenses and again I’m smirking.  Every time he tenses that ring of muscles clinches tightly.  With both of my hands on his hips, my tongue begins the process of pressing in tentatively then withdrawing.  Each time I press in deeper while sucking that inexperienced hole.  My hands are bringing him back encouraging him to move to take more of my tongue into him.  The movement is forcing his head to bob up and down on my own cock.  The best part though is, his virgin body doesn’t know which stimulation to focus on.  His body has gone limp just allowing whatever happens, to happen.  His body is trembling gently with every twitch of my tongue.

His body is enjoying the attention.  His erection is leaking precum above me and I switch my attention just long enough to take the precum in my mouth before returning to my main focus.  I use my tongue to press his own fluids inside of him and by the way his body jerks, I’d say he noticed.  With his self-made lube, I again work my fingers in and out of him till his insides are soft.  My hands rub his back soothingly.  “Severus.  Spread yourself for me.”  He hesitates, but I don’t continue or prompt him again.  It takes a long pause but he does eventually shift into a position where he can better support himself.  Now with his head fully between my legs, his long, stained fingers grab his cheeks and spread them. 

Being exposed and exposing oneself are different.  I gently kiss his fingertips.  With my hands, free to occupy themselves elsewhere, I use one to stroke his leaking erection.  I can hear his appreciation in those sweet muted moans.  The other hand is rubbing his lower back and occasionally joining my tongue inside him. 

His mouth returns to sucking me with minor difficulty.  I only add to that by gyrating my hips.  Still.  He’s moaning.  So, I don’t slow the actions.  “You are making me feel good Severus.”  I’ve surprised him.  I know I have because he stops and pulls away.  I want to encourage him to be more comfortable with intimacy.  I know he’s still shy, but for now.  I’m enjoying introducing him to this world.

“Me too.”  The words are shaky and the general discomfort at exposing himself is obvious, but I still smile then taking my opportunity, my tongue and fingers drive into him aiming right for the bundle of nerves.  All the while, I’m stroking him fast.  His body is jerking at the sudden stimulation, and finally I get what I wanted.  A beautiful pleasure filled moan is ripped from his vocal cords.  Another deep moan follows it.  He can’t silence himself.  His hands are occupied holding himself.  I suck roughly on the slippery muscle and when he whines lowly, I feel his body tremble with his orgasm.  Hot white spunk shoots out coating my chest, but when I don’t stop abusing his hole he actually screams out a deep cry.  I’m fisting his erection, making sure to milk every drop.  When he whines out my name, I nearly lose it too, but I hold back. 

“Now you are really soft inside.  How do you feel now that you aren’t pent up?”  My hands are on his hips so that I can return to eating him out.  He’s panting beautifully as I get a nice view of his spent erection going limp.  He’s being overly stimulated though; his body keeps jerking with every brush of contact. 

“Is this what I’ve been abstaining from?” he asks weakly.

“All intimacy is different from person to person.  Some partners are good.  Some are bad. And most are somewhere in the middle.  And everyone has different turn-ons.   As long as one has an attentive partner, then most everything else will work out.”  When I suck the abused ring, his back arches while he whines.

“Harry.  I can’t again.  My body isn’t as young as yours.  I’ve already… twice.”  I don’t stop though.  Because he didn’t say too.  I’m not satisfied.  And I won’t be satisfied until his arse is completely familiar with my mouth, and his body is to exhausted to move. 

“I want you to lay on your stomach Severus.”  He’s nodding slowly while trying to follow my instructions.  Once he’s comfortably laying down, I smile at him.  “I’m not going to stop until I’m satisfied or you verbally tell me to stop.” 

“I can’t again, my body can’t handle any more.”

“Then tell me to stop.”

He doesn’t. 

His cheeks are pink, and he’s not looking at me.  But I’ve received the message.  He’s enjoying this.

“Tell me to stop Severus.  If you do not want me to continue.”  My tongue presses back into him and he’s whimpering.  I slide a finger easily into him.  Then a second.  “You are stretching well.  Before long, I think your body will be ready.  With two fingers thrusting in and out of him, I use my other hand to massage his lower back.  He doesn’t say anything until I completely remove the two fingers that were busy stroking his insides.

“Are you going to make love with me now.”  He’s not looking at me.  His cheeks are stained a dark red.

“No Severus.  I’ve not changed my mind.  I’m not going to be taking your virginity tonight.  I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Harry, I was a spy.  I worked close to the dark lord.  I’ve been under one of the unforgivable many times.  I’m fully capable of handling pain.  I want this.  I don’t want to wait until another time.  And I know you want to have sex as well.”  He’s nervously opening his legs.  Trying to tempt me.  All the while, his eyes are tightly shut.  That small shy action is utterly arousing.

“Severus.”

“Harry.  Please.  I don’t want to wait another day.  Or week.  I will never be completely mentally prepared.  If it hurts unbearably, I’ll tell you.  I’m a grown man, I’m fully capable of deciding for myself if I am ready for that step.”

“Severus, you don’t have anything to prove.  Especially not to me.  You were afraid for us to kiss and now you want me to take you, when you’ve barely taken two fingers.  Trust me when I tell you that you will enjoy it all the more if we take this slow.”

“If you don’t want sex then leave.”  I don’t leave though.  I lay down beside him and press a single finger inside of him.  Just that motion makes him jerk nervously.

“You are being a bastard.  Care to tell me why.”

“Bugger off.”  I slide in a second finger.  I don’t mention the gasp when I brush his prostrate.  “Go fuck yourself.”  With that comment, I force a third digit.  It’s much tighter now and he’s wincing.

“Talk to me Severus.”  I’m idly stroking his limp dick.  “It’s nothing new for you to get pissy, but you always have a reason.  Talk to me.”  Severus is a master of locking his emotions away.  Luckily, I’ve become a master of dealing with Severus.  “Severus, I’m not as smart as you.  I’m not going to be able to figure it out on my own.  If there’s any chance of me knowing what’s going on, you’ll have to tell me.”

“As I’ve already said.  If you are not interested in having sex with me then leave.”  It clicks and I understand.  I can’t help but smile.  Severus is to prideful to say it directly, but I understand now.  Of course outright saying it will only meet with more anger.  These are the moments to channel my inner Slytherin.

“Severus.  I do want to have sex with you.  Even now, it’s everything in my power to keep from breaking you.  You are so tight inside that I just want to see how much I can stretch you.  As much as I really want you right now, we have work tomorrow.  And you will be sore already with even the little we’ve done.  Severus, I don’t want to have to hold back our first time.  Just once, will not be enough to satisfy me.  I’ve waited so long to have you that I don’t want to rush and spoil it.  I don’t want you to think for a moment that I’m not interested in you.”  My fingers withdraw to grasp his hands.  I make him touch me and when fingers curl around my erection I continue talking.  “I’m so hard because of you.  When we have sex, I won’t be satisfied until you are to spent to move.  I starve for you Severus.  And the way you keep trying to tempt me to take you now is hard to resist.  But I want us to both enjoy our first time and not rush into it.” 

Severus is firmly pressed against my chest.  I know I said the right things.  Severus is a prideful man.  He takes it as a personal insult to be denied anything, and I should have known better.  I’ve seen firsthand tonight how sensitive he is about never having sex.  For someone like Severus to put themselves on a limb and to be denied…

“I understand.”  He says simply.  I’m holding him tightly against myself as he touches me.  “Can I try to suck you.” 

“If you would like, I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“I don’t feel obligated.”  I’m sitting up and his head is laying on my thigh.  I notice him hesitate, but I know it’s not from lack of desire.  Softly I let my hand lay on the back of his head.  His hair is still damp.

“I don’t expect you to do this.  If you would prefer, we can stop.”  Thin lips wrap around the head of my dick.  He’s sucking lightly.  His ears are pink, but he’s not reluctant.  While he sucks, I busy myself with reaching behind him and softly fingering him.  It’s important for him to be exposed to this as much as possible.  I know he’s feeling it when he shivers slightly.  “That feels really good Severus.”  He’s feeling soft, so I try for a third finger.

He actually pulls away and moans throatily before returning with renewed vigor.  The faster I finger him the more enthusiastically he pleasures me.  His hand is tightly around my shaft while he’s licking from base to tip. 

“If it’s not good… I’ve never done this so.”

“Severus.  It’s good.  It is.  If you don’t stop soon, I’ll end up cumming in your mouth.”  He licks a final time before stopping entirely. 

“Harry.  Please.  I need… I don’t know.”  He looks dazed and unsure of what to say. 

“You have to tell me Severus, otherwise I won’t know.”

“I just feel strange.”  Smiling at him gently I pull him against my chest.

“Where do you feel strange.”  He shivers as he holds onto me.

“Your fingers.”  When I kiss his temple, he sighs loudly.

“You must really be feeling it inside.  Your insides are really soft.”  Two fingers from each hand press into him.  I open him up fully and he’s panting lewdly. He’s shaking as one of his hands reaches back to press a finger inside himself.  “Have I already made you come undone.  You look so slutty desperately trying to fill yourself.”

“It’s not enough.  I just feel so strange inside.  Empty.  Please I need something.”

“Severus.  You are trying to tempt me, but I can’t be…”

“Please.  Please.”  He now has two fingers in.  He’s frantic.  “This is your fault.  I was content never doing anything intimate.  You were the one that said to listen to my body’s needs.  And I need.  I need.”

“Severus.  It will hurt.”

“I’m hurting now!  Please.”  His face is so red.  “You’ve given me a rim job.  You’ve fingered me.  I’m ready.  If I wasn’t then I wouldn’t be asking.  But I need you.  Harry.  Please.  Please.”  He’s grinding against me unconsciously.  His breathing is labored.

“Honestly, it’s just like a man to keep asking for sex until he gets it.”  I rub his pale shoulder blades.  “Alright Severus.  But if you are hurting a lot tomorrow, I don’t want to hear it.  You literally are the one who asked for this.”

“T.. Thank you.” 

“Now what position should I take your virginity in.”  I’m rubbing his back.  “What do you think Severus.”

“I want you to hold me.”

I sit up and then pull him into my lap.  “Is this okay Severus?”  I whisper in his ear. 

“Yes.  Like this is fine.”  He lays his head awkwardly on my shoulder as I help guide him into position.  At the first small breach, he releases a broken shout. 

“Are you okay Severus.  Are you sure you want to do this?  It’s not too late to go back.”

“D.. Don’t stop.  I’m okay.  I’m okay.  Just.  Keep going.”  So I do.  I can already feel velvet heat against my head.

“You are so tight.  It’s like you’re trying to push me out.”

“I’m not trying.  I want you in.”

“Relax.  That’s all you need to do.  Relax so that I can give you what you need.”  Teeth break the skin at my shoulder until finally I’m inside of him.  “I’m all the way inside.  I’m just going to wait for a bit until you are used to me being inside you.”  It’s so hard to hold still, but I don’t have to for long.

“Oh! for merlin’s sake.  Please.  Just.  Fuck me.”  I rock him gently in my lap.  Soon he’s actively moving with me.  I pull a little out then push back in.  When he gasps I do it again. 

“Just hold on to me Severus.  How does it feel.  How does it feel to lose your virginity?”  He’s holding me so tight.  He’s gasping, but his legs only wrap tightly around me.  Yes.  He’s ready for intimacy.  “Tell me how it feels Severus.  Talk to me.”  His dull nails are digging into my back.

“Hurts.”  When I slow down he whines painfully.  “Don’t stop.  Please.  Keep going.  Hurts good.  I want more.”

“Were you really this starved to be touched?”  This isn’t enough for me.  I push him back until he falls against the bed.  Pulling his legs around my waist, it’s much easier to thrust in and out comfortably.  “How this?  Better?”

“Yes…. Yes.  Ahhh.”  His head is back against the pillows.  Tiny picks of tears are at the corner of his eyes.  I want to take him deeper.  I want to completely consume him.

“Severus.  I want you to masturbate.”  His cheeks are slightly pink, but he does obediently grasp himself.  “Good.  Keep going.  Stroke yourself fully.” 

“Yes… I… I am.”  He’s panting.  We both have a nice view of his straining cock being jerked.

“Good.  Now tell me.  What are you thinking about.”  His hand falters.  And he doesn’t answer.  “Tell me Severus or I just might stop.”

“You… cumming… inside me.”  He’s looking away.

“Keep masturbating for me Severus.”  So he resumes.  “Do you want me to cum inside of you.”

“Harry.  It feels weird talking like this.”

“Weird bad?”  I ask pushing deeply inside him.

“Not bad.  I’m just not used to this.”  I kiss him deeply.

“If you want me to stop asking you naughty questions I will.”

“I do… want you to cum inside I mean.”  I smile at him.  He’s squeezing himself tightly.  And I’m using him.  “Harry.  If you keep going like that I’m going to cum again.”

“I can’t seem to slow down.  You just feel so good inside.  I just want to mess you up.”

“Harry… Ahhh.  Ahhh!  Nnn.  Harry.  I feel strange again.”

“You’ll feel better soon love.  When I fill your hungry belly up.”  His eyes are clinched.  He’s close.  So am I.  But I want him to cum first.  I pull fully out and smirk when I hear a distressed whine.  When I slam back in however I receive lots of pleased moans.  Again.  And again.  “How are you feeling Severus.”

“Harry.  I’m going.. soon.”

“Yes.  I know love.  You feel wet inside.  I think my precum is slicking you up nicely.  And you keep squeezing around me.  I’m going to make a mess of your insides.”

“Please.”

“I will love.  I promise.  You just have to do one thing for me.  I want to watch you cum all over us both.  Cum for me and I’ll give you exactly what you want.”  Desperately he strokes himself faster.  “Just like that.  Cum for me Severus.  Cum for me.”  It doesn’t take much more for him to cry out his orgasm. 

His body shutters with the force and I enjoy the way his body twitches before keeping my end of the deal.  I slam in and out of him and though he’s screaming wantonly, I don’t slow.  Almost. 

“Harry.  Inside.  Feels good.”  His hand lays atop his stomach effectively smearing more of his cum on himself.  I lose it.  I feel the first shutter then as I’m growling out his name, I feel the next. 

“Here you go Severus.  Just what you wanted.”  He’s biting his lip trying to keep from moaning again, but he’s unsuccessful when I pull out.  Tiredly I ease him more comfortably into the mattress. 

He’s tiredly blinking.  I should clean us up, but when his hand grasps my arm, I don’t move. 

More than before he looks entirely embarrassed.  “Harry, would you… hold me.”  I blink a couple of times.  This is one of those times isn’t.  Where he prefers his actions to speak for him.  I smile at him and settle in beside him.  My arms hold him close and I’m all the happier when he lowers himself to be able to lay on my chest.  He makes himself comfortable and I pull the blankets over us.  I let the bone numbing exhaustion sink in.

“I love you too Severus.”  He’s right.  Actions are better than words.  So I kiss him for good measure.   


End file.
